Gone but Not Forgotten

November is a sad month for me. Three people who touched my life indescribably passed away in November. Time has not healed the pain left by their abrupt departures. However, their memories comfort me. So, in honor of them, today’s blog is a tribute to these three wonderful souls.

Alexis
I met Alexis at work when I was pregnant with my first son. We shared an instant connection. We were both English majors in college. She was extremely well read and intellectual, but never flaunted her knowledge or made anyone feel uncomfortable. We often discussed writing a series of books together—a passion we both shared and never had time for. Genuine and real, Alexis was easy to like.

Coming off of a disappointing divorce, she was in the process of rebuilding her life and doing her darndest to make ends meet and be happy. She took on an extra job at a local landscaping nursery; she loved the outdoors. We’d speak about flowers. Once she came across blue/purple alyssum seeds and gave me a packet because she knew I liked them.

After I moved to California, we lost touch until mid-2007 when a mutual friend of ours told me that Alexis had been battling a deadly disease. I reached out to her and she replied—optimistic as ever. After spending months in the hospital, her last update was filled with a positive outlook: she felt better and was hoping the doctors would release her soon so she could go home.

That day never came.

Alexis passed away in November 2007.

Easy friendship, honest, unpretentious, organic, healthy (she exercised every day and ate impeccably well), kind, caring, supportive, sweet, smart

Alexis was a good soul and a blessing to have known for such a short time. Alyssum fills my gardens today. Every time I pass by them, I’m reminded of our sweet but brief friendship.

Andrea
Junior year of college was filled with many changes for me—the biggest and most challenging of which was my first year as a resident assistant. Luckily, my honors students were as wonderful and fun as they were incredibly smart.

Andrea was the outgoing life of every party. She was friendly with everyone and fiercely loyal to her close friends. Boy crazy and fun loving, she was also immensely deep, kind, and brilliant—intellectually and personally.

Post college, we kept in touch via e-mail over the years. I remember her feeling sick frequently and eventually her health interfered with her work. After testing, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She never complained to me. Her updates were always filled with hope, trying new tests and treatments when others failed.

In the summer of 2007, I headed back to Pennsylvania to celebrate my sister’s bridal shower and wedding. Both visits were packed solidly with non-stop responsibilities and events. Both times Andrea asked to get together with me. Both times, I regretfully had to decline.

If only…If only I had known then, what I know now. I had no idea how seriously her condition had deteriorated. On November 29, 2007, Andrea lost her battle with the disease.

Passionate, fun, inspiring, hopeful, positive, motivating, vibrant, a true star among a midnight blue blanket of normalcy

Andrea remains in my memory as the optimistic, whirlwind force of nature she was when I first met her. Her hopeful outlook on life is one that continues to inspire me today.

Keresztpapa (My Godfather)
I miss him. Miss him terribly. This November 5th marked the 20th anniversary of his death and it still hurts as much as it did then.

My dad’s parents died when he was a teenager. My godparents (my dad’s brother and sister-in-law), who were much older than him, brought him to the United States from Hungary and helped him get started here. My godfather fulfilled the role of grandfather for me. There was never a doubt in my mind that he loved me. He was firm but kind and always up to something—he was playful and loved to tease me and my siblings. Then there were the presents—the rocking horse on springs which reminded me of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, the enormous stuffed bunny for my 3rd Easter, and, who can forget, the live, white rabbit he surprised me (and my parents) with on another Easter.

I watched him play cards and drink with my dad and his closest friends. He was always telling stories and laughing—though I’d seen him get into rather serious conversations and debates with my dad, who was more like an overly-opinionated son to him than little brother.

Twenty years ago, my cousin called to tell us that he passed away unexpectedly overnight due to complications from leukemia. The shock and the pain of this ripped my entire family to shreds. Somehow we managed to get through that week, but the emptiness brought on by his absence was—and still is—physically palpable.

Despite the two decades separating us from the day he crossed over, I can still hear his voice call me “Kis Szivem,” Hungarian for “My Little Heart.” Whether it’s a manifestation of our missing him or a call from the other side, he’s visited me and the rest of my family in our dreams. Ironically, he’s always at the center of a party and having a blast. The dreams are never sad and just his way of letting us know he’s still with us.

Some people touch our lives for a brief moment, yet their impact is undeniable and permanent. Others play bigger roles in our being and their mark on us is like a tattoo that can never fully be erased.

The main lesson I’ve learned from all the deaths of family and friends over the years is to make the most of every minute with those around you. We never know when their time, or ours, will be up.

Alexis, Andrea, and my godfather were taken too soon. I find great comfort in knowing that we’ll see each other again in the next life. For me right now, they live on through the happy memories we shared and the pictures that speak a thousand words in the empty silence they’ve left behind.

History of Halloween

Ghosts. Goblins. Witches. Monsters. Pumpkins. Candy corn. Ghost stories. Horror movies. Costumes. Haunted houses. Hayrides.

Halloween has long been celebrated as a fun-filled holiday of spooky treats. Actually, it’s second only to Christmas as the most profitable holiday and about half of American households celebrate it.*

But there’s so much more to the day itself than the merrymaking we enjoy today.

Halloween, also known as All Hallows Eve and Samhain, has marked the end of the harvest season for thousands of years. It was a festive, pagan occasion celebrating the harvesting of the last crops. Ingrained in those ancient cultures was also a deep-rooted belief of ancestor worship. Honoring and remembering those who came before them was integral in their spiritual belief system.

Marking the end of summer’s fruitful abundance and beginning of fall/winter’s season of death or dormant period, it’s easy to understand why the ancients believed that at this time of year or on this day in particular the veil between our living world and the spirit world was thinnest, allowing an easy way to communicate with those who’ve passed on. Since ancestors were thought of with love and longing, there was nothing scary about this day. There was no fear of the dead. Though they believed in an afterlife, heaven and hell were foreign concepts back then.

While the dead weren’t feared, the living spirits of impish fairies and elves caused enough mischief to terrify the pastoral countrysides. Of course, the mischief’s source was human and it laid the foundation for the beginning of our Mischief Night on October 30th.

As early Christianity took hold in Rome, many pagan festivities and beliefs succumbed (at knife point) to the new religion. In order to convert pagans more easily, Christianity incorporated some of the ancient practices. Fairies were considered demons and devils and the spirits of beloved family members were reduced to horrifying ghosts. With the introduction of these new ideas, the traditional, celebratory beliefs of Samhain took on a scarier tone as those in charge exploited pagan superstitions surrounding an otherwise joyous occasion. (To be fair, Christian belief was just as deep as that of the ancient pagans and the church felt it was their duty to save the pagans from eternal damnation. Of course, scholars/historians have also conjectured that less honorable motives may also have been involved.)

As Christianity assimilated some pagan beliefs, All Hallows Eve (October 31) extended to All Saints Day (November 1) and All Souls Day (November 2). The celebration was intended to honor all those who have died.

While we’d like to think that celebrating the dead is an old-fashioned pagan practice, it’s actually alive and well all around the world in cultures spanning from Asia and Europe to the Americas. Occasionally, these days of remembrance also include the idea of New Year’s celebrations (honoring the end of one aspect of life followed by celebrating the future).

So, as you don scary, silly, and sexy costumes for this night of fright and send out your kids for the tricks and treats in which they delight, say a prayer for those who’ve passed away to keep those “evil” spirits at bay :)

Happy Halloween!

Sources:
"Halloween" by Silver Ravenwolf
* "The Real Story of Halloween" - History Channel
Picture of me and Jeff is from 1998.

Media's Blood Suckers

No, I don’t mean the media’s bloodthirsty, ratings hungry producers and talent (though this would be a great blog post; another day perhaps). I’m talking about vampires in film.

Vampires have been around for thousands of years. However, thanks to a tuberculosis epidemic at the end of the nineteenth century, their presence among us resurged. Inspired by the outbreak and a couple of real-life characters, Bram Stoker started the modern obsession with his character, Count Dracula. From there, vampires transformed into pop culture phenomenon.

Listed below are my top 5 vampire movies. Click on the images or links below to see the trailers and/or movie clips.
#5 – Dracula – Bela Lugosi introduced the suave and dapper—and very much Hollywood polished—modern vampire in this classic 1931 film. His real Hungarian accent and dark, confident presence certainly helped create the image of an all-powerful, romantic vampire leading man. Scary but beautiful. (It’s easy to see the evolution to Twilight’s Edward Cullen).
#4 – The Little Vampire – Ok, I know. This is not a major movie blockbuster, so why is it on the list? It’s a kids' version of the vampire tale and a great confidence builder for kids who don’t quite fit in anywhere. The lesson learned is that friends can be found in the least likely places (like an old, decrepit graveyard) and true friends help each other regardless of the risks they might face. It’s an excellent family movie where the bullies get what they deserve and the hero who saves the day is the underdog.
#3 – Interview with the Vampire – A favorite of mine because it peaked my interest in vampires as a teen—Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Christian Slater, and Antonio Banderas helped too. Anne Rice’s novel of the same name brought to life a romanticized tale of life, relationships, and lots of death. The last scene of the movie is the reason why I always check the back seat of my car before I get in at night.
#2 – Nosferatu – This is a must see for anyone interested in the undead. Inspired by the traditional view of vampires (dead creatures who don’t look human anymore), Max Schreck’s creepy interpretation captures the idea of the modern vampire. Filmed in 1922, this black and white German movie makes fantastic use of the monochromatic scheme as a representation of good and evil. (If you’re watching this and 1931’s “Dracula” for the first time, don’t judge them by modern standards. Most of the actors were accomplished stage performers and the switch from stage to screen was still being developed, as were special effects, make up and countless other things we expect to see these days.)
#1 – Twilight Saga – Seriously, what’s not to like? It’s Romeo & Juliet set in the supernatural world. A young couple fights to stay together despite the odds and the fact they shouldn’t be together for various (and practical) reasons. Edward Cullen and his “vegetarian” vampire family are quintessential, 21st century vampires – denying their thirst for human blood because they don’t want to be monsters. They’re vampires with consciences and a capacity to love and find connections with those outside their forbidden world. Add in a group of traditional vampires who don’t share the Cullen’s alternate lifestyle and a pack of wolves hell bent on destroying all of them and it makes for a perfect, tension filled vampire romance. (Can't wait for New Moon!! [trailer, extended Volturi scene] NOTE: a 30 second ad plays before the trailer.)

Since a top 7 list just sounds ridiculous, I’m adding these as honorable mentions:
#2 – Bram Stoker’s Dracula – Gary Oldman. Need I say more?
#1 – Dracula: Dead & Loving It – The funniest freakin’ parody of Dracula I’ve ever seen. Leslie Nielsen is hilarious in this Mel Brooks’ take on its serious Hollywood counterparts. However, the scene-stealer award goes to Peter MacNicol for his insane and outrageous performance as Renfield.

Who’s your favorite vampire? Leave a comment below.

A Case for Ghosts: When Kids See the Supernatural -- Ghost Gab Week, Day 4

I’m what you’d call a skeptical believer. I think most supernatural experiences can be explained by natural causes like the wind, a house settling, other living people, and concentrated quantities of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF) which make people feel uneasy (EMFs are said to be given off by ghosts who draw on the energy around them in order to manifest. EMF is found in pretty much any device which uses or produces energy [electrical boxes, generators, cell phones, etc.]).

It’s easy to sway adults by the power of suggestion. Tell them they’re in a haunted house and they’ll assume the things they hear and experience are attributed to the other side. But children who don’t know the meaning of words like haunted and ghosts aren’t subject to the power of suggestion. Are the things they see real or imagined?

In April 2008, I took my children for a tour of the USS Hornet, an aircraft carrier that participated in World War II and in the recovery of the Apollo 11 space mission. This massive ship saw some of the toughest battles during the war in the Pacific. Today it’s a museum docked peacefully in Alameda, Calif. with numerous retired aircraft perched on its upper deck. It was a dream come true for my boys to be able to visit a real ship and touch real fighter planes.

An added bonus for me: the USS Hornet is also known for its numerous hauntings. This is a little fact I did not share with my boys on the trip. At six years old, my older son knew what ghosts were. My two year old had no idea what ‘ghost’ or ‘haunted’ meant and I intended to keep it that way for as long as possible. Little did I know that fate was about to force my hand in the matter.

After touring the vessel, I took my two year old to the bathroom located in the bow. The restrooms were at the end of a long, neutral-colored corridor void of any decorations. As we neared the end of the empty hallway, my son came to an abrupt stop. I asked him what was wrong and he shook his head. I tugged on his hand to pull him forward but he resisted forcefully and stepped backwards. I looked at him and realized his eyes were fixated on the corner of the hallway where it bent to the left leading to the bathrooms’ entrances.

I knelt beside him as he continued to stare at whatever was in the completely empty corner. There were no shadows and no mirrors that could’ve cast a reflection. I saw nothing. While his face was twisted in the strangest look of fear, confusion, and interest, his eyes didn’t not budge from the corner.

Changing my line of questioning, I asked him what he was looking at. This time he replied, “soldier.” He knew this word from playing with his brother’s GI Joes and looking at the pictures of the ship’s soldiers which lined some of the rooms below deck. I asked him if the soldier was doing anything, and he shook his head. I told him to say “hi” to the soldier and he waved his hand quickly, bashfully. Reassuring him that he didn’t need to be afraid of the soldier, I was able to coax him closer to end of the hallway (his eyes never moved from the soldier) until we turned the corner to the bathroom and he rushed backwards smacking into the wall behind him and then he inched down the hall again when he looked into the corner beside him.

He explained that another soldier was standing at the very end of the hallway beside the men’s bathroom’s entrance. I told him to say “hi” to that soldier as well but he said that soldier was gone. Since the second apparition distracted him sufficiently, I was able to pull him into the women’s bathroom. As I was about to change his diaper, he stopped me. He pointed to the wall across from us in the bathroom, and said “soldier.” Apparently, the first soldier followed us into the bathroom.

If you’ve ever had the feeling that someone’s watching you, imagine being watched while you’re in a bathroom. Eventually the soldier disappeared through the far wall beside one of the stalls (as my son explained to me) and I was able to finish up with him. Two things struck me as odd. First, I felt an eerie presence from the minute I stepped onto the ship. I chalked it up to the power of suggestion since I knew some of the ship’s haunted history. In the bathroom, the hair on my neck and arms was standing on end and I felt we weren’t alone, though there were no living presences anywhere near us. Second, my son hadn’t reached the age of “storytelling” yet—the age when kids begin to invent stories to explain things. He was terrified and intrigued by whatever he saw and he didn’t move his eyes from the apparition until it was completely gone.

I have no explanation for what happened that day other than to say he experienced something supernatural. A ghost? Maybe. Maybe not. I see ghosts as residual energy, a person who left an imprint of themselves on a particular area which replays itself and doesn’t interact with people. To me, a spirit is capable of communicating with the living. And why do I think this? Because about 27 years prior to my son’s experience, the same thing happened to me.

It was late at night and I was wide awake. I had to go to the bathroom and screamed for my mom to take me—I hated the dark. So she walked me into the bathroom and as I was staring at the red towels hanging off of the rack, a bright light flashed in front of me. In the middle of the bright, white light, a beautiful, perfect child’s face appeared. He wasn’t a baby, but he wasn’t an older child either. Perhaps a toddler. He had creamy skin and rosy cheeks and his auburn hair gleamed with golden highlights. He spoke to me but I was too preoccupied with being terrified at the unexpected sight to hear what he was saying. Then as quickly as he appeared, he vanished. I turned to my mom and explained what I could. Being so young, I was only able to really say ‘light’ and ‘pretty baby.’ Still, she validated my vision by listening to my story. Years later she told me that she couldn’t see what I saw, but she knew something was happening because my eyes were wide open, fully aware, and transfixed.

Was my vision a ghost? I don’t think so. He was actively speaking to me and there was truly nothing terrifying about him. Spirit? Perhaps. We still speculate as to who it might have been. I wonder if it was my older brother who passed away before I was born.

Regardless, my personal experience as a child cannot be dismissed as a figment of imagination. I was too young to know what ghosts, spirits, or even angels were at the time. All I knew was what I saw and I didn’t make that up.

Believe the stories or not. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not out to convince others about the existence of ghosts; I only know what’s true for me. I’ve had a lifetime of experiences to tell me the supernatural is real in one form or another. Do I know exactly what’s out there? Nope. But I know this: something beyond our comprehension and logical reason does exist.

Romancing the Ghost -- Ghost Gab Week, Day 3

Ghosts are a hot topic and great cash cow in TV today. From CBS’s fictional “Medium” to SyFy’s real-life “Ghost Hunters,” ghosts are making their way out of the public’s nightmares and into primetime entertainment. Romanticized as brooding entities trying to connect with loved ones, TV “spirits” are portrayed through living, human eyes. Whether fiction or real, ghost TV is the latest genre du jour. Here are some of the popular ghost shows dominating nighttime programming.

Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
Medium (CBS)
Ghost Hunters (SyFy)
Ghost Adventures (Travel Channel)
Paranormal State (A&E)
Most Haunted (Travel Channel)
The Other Siders (Cartoon Network)

Whether or not you believe in ghosts, the shows above are great for entertainment purposes. If you can look past the screaming, swearing, and “hope we caught that on camera” moments that often don’t materialize, the reality shows are interesting. As a skeptic, it’s easy to poke holes into the real shows featuring investigators because oftentimes there are so many extraneous variables that can cause the phenomenon. However, shows like Ghost Adventures are worth a viewing since the group locks itself into haunted places without interference from the outside world. Watching three, tough-looking adult guys become terrified by unexplained anomalies is worth an hour on Friday night.

As viewers we have to take their words for it, but if the things these TV sleuths catch on scientific equipment are real (shadow figures, disembodied voices and noises, and physical manifestations like touches or projectiles), there’s a whole new world that deserves to be explored.

Source: Image of Ghost Adventures team

Hearing Voices - Ghost Gab Week, Day 2

From Philly’s Eastern State Penitentiary to California’s Missions and everywhere in between, average, normal people witness hauntings every day. The question is: are these things real or are they figments of our overactive imaginations?

Paranormal speculation suggests there are two types of hauntings. The first is residual energy, meaning that the same activity plays over and over again like an imprint of time left on a particular place (e.g. an apparition cooking by the stove who can be seen once a week at the same time doing the same activity but does not react to a living person’s presence). The second is considered an intelligent haunting where unseen entities can respond to a living environment, like investigators’ questions, by communicating through sounds (tapping on a wall), appearing physically, or replying verbally.

Paranormal investigators use a slew of equipment to try to capture the other side on tangible evidence. Probably the most popular method is the use of EVPs (electronic voice phenomenon) which record voices/sounds supposedly from the other side. Some investigators use digital recorders in controlled settings (no other people are allowed in the vicinity who could create sounds which would interfere with a recording). In “haunted” houses, investigators search for signs of intelligent spirits, so they often ask questions and hope the recorder will pick up answers not heard by human ears. The thought here is that spirits communicate on different frequencies which aren’t always heard by the living.

For those not involved in investigations, EVPs provide an interesting and entertaining possibility. Is communication with the dead achievable? However in this day and age with advanced technology, it can be very easy to fake an EVP. Unfortunately, we have to take the investigators’ words for it, which to a skeptic or a believer trying to convince non-believers just isn’t good enough.

Still, the idea of hearing the dead or, even better, speaking to them is intriguing. What if it is possible?

Check out the recordings below. If they’re fake, at least they’re interesting. If they’re real, there are some wondrous and terrifying entities lurking around us.

Ghost Adventures EVPs (Travel channel)

Ghost Hunters EVP (SyFy channel)

Paranormal State – What is an EVP? (A&E channel)

And…just because…Paranormal State with Father Bob expelling evil spirits (NOTE: the first minute of the video just sets up the rest)

Source: Image (Al Capone's cell at Eastern State Penitentiary)

To Believe or Not to Believe - Ghost Gab Week, Day 1

Ghosts are considered the disembodied spirits of dead people. According to a poll run by the General Social Survey in 1996, 82% of Americans believe in life after death. However, only about a third of Americans believe in ghosts.

Are ghosts real? What do you believe? Copy the questions below into the “Comment” box (click on the “Comment” link at the bottom of this article) and submit your answers anonymously. Please forward this to as many people as possible. Results will be calculated later this month.

Do you believe in life after death?
Do you think ghosts might exist?
Do you believe that ghosts do exist?
Have you had an unexplainable encounter with what may have been a ghost?

Source: 1936 photo taken by Captain Provand and Indre Shira at Raynham Hall in Norfolk, England.